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I grew up in Western North Carolina, in the Bible belt, surrounded mostly by white Christians. My family for the most part was atheist, agnostic or pagan. We celebrated the traditional Christmas and Easter holidays, but mostly these were family gatherings with no emphasis on religion.
I had one grandmother take me to church as a young child and one uncle who was a Methodist minister, but no one else was "religious" in the family. I went to church sometimes with friends as a child because I was spending the night with them and they went. I never had any interest in the teachings, nor did I believe them. At one point in my life I was an atheist and thought that religion was only for the weak. Around the age of 14 I began to realize how weak I myself was and started seeking something (other than Christianity) to believe in.
My main sources were a few of my mom’s books on Eastern philosophy and religion. The main emphasis in those books was on Hinduism and Buddhism. There was a hint of Sufism within these books, and with this information, I basically manufactured my own belief system. It however didn’t answer all the questions I had. I moved with my mother at the age of 16 to Southern California where I met a Muslim man. At the time he was not practicing. When I was visiting his home, I saw his parents praying and was intrigued by the expression of devotion I saw in the sujud (prostration). He gave me a Qur’an and some other reading material. When I read it, it made so much sense to me, and I felt that I had been guided to the truth. I started talking to Muslims at my school and going to a class at the masjid.
The fact that Islam taught that Adam and Eve had sinned together and were forgiven made much more sense to me and made me feel more connected to Allah and to my human family. The idea that we are born pure and that our choice to sin places a burden on us to repent, that Allah directly forgives the sin, and that good deeds cancel out bad ones appealed to me and fostered in me a desire to earn Allah’s pleasure. I love the concept that all prophets taught the same truth and that they are all connected, accepted and respected.
I love the modesty that Islam calls upon both men and women to practice. It gave me such a warm feeling to see other sisters wearing hijab that I could just go up to and introduce myself to learn more about Islam. The fact that we consider all Muslims as brothers and sisters makes me feel very blessed, connected and united with Muslims all over the world.
Islam makes it very clear that we are created to worship Allah. To know that makes me feel that I know what I’m doing here, what life is all about and where I’m headed. The Qur’an says that Allah tests mankind and this gave me comfort, understanding and insight into what I had experienced throughout life. Islam also teaches that this life is nothing but illusion, and this helps me not to get attached to it or to be frustrated by anything that I am tested with. Finding Islam and slowly but surely implementing its practices and principles has given me inner peace I would never otherwise know.
Emily took her shahadah on 12/16/99 at Masjid Al Ansar, Anaheim CA
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