At the urging of concerned relatives, they agreed to sit down with a mediator from a local mosque. After a few meetings with a mediator, their issues were ironed out. The couple’s marriage remains intact.

Known as ADR, Alternative Dispute Resolution refers to any means of settling disputes outside of litigation, the most common being arbitration and mediation. The practice of mediation is becoming more common in the United States as it is used for a variety of cases and is considered a good alternative to pricey litigation and long delays.

"Mediation is a promising alternative for any two or more people who are more interested in making decisions together rather than hand that power over to a third party to make a decision for them," said Gary J. Friedman, co-founder and co-director of The Center for Mediation in Law in Mill Valley, Calif.

Both arbitration and mediation use a neutral third party, but there are differences. Mediation is customarily non-binding, and a mediator has no power to impose a settlement other than assisting the parties in finding a just resolution. Arbitration is a binding procedure, and an arbitrator has the power to impose a settlement.

Mediators are trained in negotiation and bringing together opposing sides by facilitating communication to help them identify and overcome obstacles and ultimately create some type of settlement or agreement. In the West there has been a long tradition of mediation. Churches have served as centers for mediation where clergy often acted as mediators. Rabbinical courts used traditions and the Torah to settle disputes.

Mediation has been used for years in the Jewish community to successfully resolve divorce, parenting, religious and financial disputes. Mediation is deeply rooted in the Jewish tradition as Jews are taught to seek out peaceful solutions and follow through with resolving their own disputes.

"One of the major obstacles to mediation is the importance for some people of looking at their conflict as a matter of one person being right and the other wrong," said Friedman. "Jews, Muslims and all other humans have this propensity. The question is whether part of the spiritual impulse recognizes the interconnection between people, even those who are very upset with each other."

The use of ADR to resolve disputes is gaining momentum in the American Muslim community. The Islamic Shura Council of Southern California (ISCSC) is currently working on a project to bring ADR to the local Muslim community. But mediation is not something new to Muslims.

"The Qur’an requires mediation, so this is not a foreign concept to Muslims, and it is prevalent in Muslim societies," said Dr. Azizah Y. Al-Hibri, professor of law at the University of Richmond and founder of Karamah, Muslim Women Lawyers for Human Rights.

Al-Hibri said that Karamah has been teaching conflict resolution in its law and leadership summer program for years. She believes the practice needs to be extended to Muslims in the United States.

"If done properly, mediation should become a great success," said Al-Hibri.

Shakeel Syed, executive director of the Shura Council, said that while ADR services are already offered to congregations by most mosques, none of the approaches are enforceable in the court of law.

"And this is where Shura Council comes in," said Syed. "The ADR offered by Shura Council is enforceable in the court of law as its process complies with the law of the land while confirming Islamic principles."

Ahmed Shaikh, an estate planning attorney, is working with the Shura Council to put a system of mediation in place. He said their goal is to provide Muslims with an opportunity to live according to their own value system.

"My focus is on assisting the Shura Council to devise rules and systems so we can create an efficient and professional dispute resolution system for the Muslim community," said Shaikh. "I will be assisting in organizing a training program for arbitrators [and] recruiting talented people who can serve as arbitrators in the Muslim community."

The plan is still in its infancy stages, but the Shura Council is currently organizing training programs for the clergy and lay leadership of mosques. They will also be offering seminars and workshops to the public that will teach ADR techniques and empower Muslims to resolve disputes at their own level based on Islamic ADR rather than conventional courts.

Mediation usually involves four stages: 1) introduction, 2) discussion of issues, 3) development of options, and 4) an agreement in writing.

"Mediation may require more than one session. Most do. In a domestic conflict two mediators are recommended," said Shahina Siddiqui, Executive Director of The Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada (ISSA), and leading Muslim social worker in Canada.

Siddiqui said the process usually begins with an interview followed by an assessment and an establishment of ground rules. Mediators then listen to both sides, try to help those in dispute listen to each other, and then attempt to help them come to a resolution. Mediators help the parties listen to one another, negotiate, give and take, and help them agree to a resolution of their conflict.

"Mediated agreements are mutually agreed upon by all sides. Counseling may be recommended by the mediator," said Siddiqui. "Mediated agreements can be turned into something that’s legally binding, but not necessarily. Arbitrated agreements are binding but can be challenged as well."

Reham Nasr is a Supreme Court certified family/separation/divorce mediator as well as a certified commercial and federal workplace mediator. She is also a consultant in the conflict resolution field and is certified in Islamic Family Law by the American Open University and Al-Azhar University in Cairo, Egypt. As a mediator, Nasr has handled many cases and said mediation has been very effective for her Muslim and non-Muslim clients. Most family cases dealing with custody, visitation, and child support can take from one to three hours, and sometimes more.

"For example, I had Muslim parents both remarried to other spouses that could not agree on a single issue relating to their daughter," explained Nasr. "Alhamdulillah (thank God), at the very end, after three sessions and a total of nine hours, they came to a conclusion about each of the items they were in dispute about and agreed to revisit their mediation agreement each year to take into account any major changes that would arise."

While mediation has been going on in Muslim communities in North America for decades, Siddiqui notes there have been some problems.

"These [mediations] are informal, have no standards that they need to comply to and it is all left up to the mediator’s personal evaluation," said Siddiqui. "Most doing these mediations are not even qualified to do it, including imams. It is creating a great deal of conflict rather than resolving them, as these resolutions are not well sorted out, the long term affects are very bad."

Siddiqui said that some people go to three or more mediators at the same time. She noted that a professional mediator would not take on a case when the person in dispute is also seeing other mediators to resolve the same issues. Adding to that, Nasr noted that she has found that there is a scarcity of trained Muslim mediators in the legal field and other disciplines.

"Unfortunately, with all of the various conferences I’ve attended and the number of cases I’ve worked on in different states, I’ve only had the privilege of encountering a handful of Muslim attorneys that provide ADR services," said Nasr. "Similarly, I’ve only met very few Muslim social workers and therapists with mediation certification."

But anyone can train to be a mediator. Siddiqui said good language skills, especially multiple language kills, and being culturally diverse, are assets for mediating within the Muslim community since many clients are not fluent in English.

"At the Islamic Social Services Association we train the Islamic add-on to mainstream mediation skills to make it culturally compatible and spiritually palatable," said Siddiqui.

For mediation to be successful in the Muslim community, said Siddiqui, there needs to be trained mediators from a recognized program; mediators must be trained Islamically and known for their honesty and respected in the community. She said mediators must operate within the law of the country and state, and mediators must be monitored for good practice and their decisions recorded for evaluation and transparency of process. She added that mediators must be bound by a confidentiality agreement, be professional in service, and make available both male and female mediators.

"There should also be some trained arbitrators available, legal counsel available and access to social workers and religious scholars for mediators and clients," said Siddiqui. "When mediations are done well and in good faith from all sides, the results help avoid expensive court battles and are much more civil."

Shaikh, the attorney working with the Shura Council, said he believes the local Muslim community will be receptive to adopting arbitration in resolving disputes rapidly.

"It intuitively makes sense to Muslims who are inclined to have things resolved based on Islam," said Shaikh. "Few will want to spend unnecessarily on attorney fees or spend the time litigating matters that could be resolved quickly and efficiently through arbitration."

Syed of the Shura Council believes ADR is already successful. He said they have resolved some cases and are working on others. He believes the community will prefer the Shura Council ADR over the conventional justice system, not only for its enforceability but also because it complies with Islamic principles.

"Our community is blessed with legal experts in both secular and Islamic law. Shura Council plans to use both for the good of the community," said Syed. "We do believe when this program is fully institutionalized, people of other faith groups will prefer Islamic ADR as was the case one time!"

* Names have been changed for privacy.