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Page 4 of 6
Getting past the parental units
Though many parents may fear that Western cultural norms may in fact take over the lives of their children altogether, teens on the other hand feel that assimilation is inevitable and may in fact add to their overall personality development.
“I think it’s important to be just as involved in American culture as it is Islam,” says 15-year-old Sara Shaikh* of Lancaster, Calif. “I try my best to keep up to date with the latest fashions in clothes and music because I think it’s important as Muslims to be well aware of the world we live in so other people can identify with us.”
For many parents, however, the concern is not where or how to assimilate, but rather to assimilate at all.
"As a parent, it’s scary to let my teenage son and daughter hang out with friends sometimes,” said Khalid Abdul-Rahman* of Inglewood, Calif. “I know that they deserve a right to socialize and be active participants in society, however even if they are not the one’s making the bad decision, they can easily fall into a pit based on the negative influences around them. Assimilation can gear our kids away from Islam and its teachings.”
Other parents, however, feel that balance is the key and assimilation is alright, as long as certain boundaries are not overstepped.
“In America, there is sort of a double standard, which is why so many kids get confused about what they need to do, what is right, and where they belong,” said Sara’s mother, Lubna.* “I raised my children with a balance of both worlds; going to any one extreme is not healthy, in my opinion, for a proper upbringing in this time period. Of course, I don’t like her skinny jeans or the fact that she listens to her rock music for long periods of time, but even though I may tell her to stop once in a while, I don’t want to pressure her because I see her doing good things as well, like performing her salah (daily prayers), going to halaqas, getting good grades, and being respectful to her peers. I feel like over time, she will come to be the best Muslimah on her own.”
Shaikh isn’t the only parent who feels that pressure from parental units can be debilitating.
“One of the problems that many parents and teens are facing is a lack of engagement,” said renowned nasheed artist Zain Bhikha of Johannesburg, South Africa.
Bhikha, a father of four, feels that parents should take an active role in getting to know the likes and dislikes of their kids, before setting standards that they may not be able to reach.
“For example, there is the issue about music; if my son comes up to me and says he likes a certain song, and I say ‘No don’t listen to this, it’s haraam (forbidden),’ I am really shutting the door,” he said. “But if I engage him and really talk to him about it and equip him with a methodology with how to deal with it, he will be much better off. Kids are facing these challenges every day, not just in choice of music, but in many different situations, and they will be exposed to these things no matter what. I’d rather parents give the right advice to their kids rather than kids getting the advice from somewhere else. Hopefully we can put so much in their mind that they will begin to make their own right decisions.”
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