Parenting never ceases to amaze

By Laura El Alam, IFN Columnist

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Who realizes, upon holding their newborn child in their arms for the very first time, that they are about to embark on one of the most challenging and rewarding, exhausting and exhilarating adventures of their lives?   We are so caught up in our baby's soft skin and sweet breath that we are blissfully unaware that we are embarking on an intense and relentless on-the-job training session that will last the rest of our lives. One of the amazing things about parenthood is how much we learn along the way.  Children have a way of bringing out the best and the worst in us. They never cease to amaze, challenge and befuddle us.  Sometimes we glow with satisfaction when we see what amazing human beings they are becoming; other times, the job of parenting feels like psychological torture and an extreme sport rolled into one. One thing is certain: experienced parents can look back on their early days of parenthood and realize they have learned a great deal over the years.  For instance, the type of man who, in his younger and child-free days, saw a toddler throwing a tantrum and thought smugly, "My child will never do that," inevitably becomes the father whose two-year-old has an embarrassing, 40-minute meltdown in an airport terminal. This desperate father ends up purchasing a cup of ridiculously overpriced airport orange juice for his frantic son and singing, "Old MacDonald had a Farm," complete with life-like animal noises, while glaring at anyone who dares to look his way. The type of mother who gleefully filled a closet with dresses, ribbons and frilly socks in preparation for her long-awaited daughter oftentimes becomes the bewildered parent of a girl who insists on wearing jeans, ragged t-shirts and sneakers.  This mother eventually gives up on her fantasy of tea parties and doll houses and wisely invests in helmets, pads and shin guards. We live and learn, and if we approach parenthood with the knowledge that our children are simultaneously blessings and tests from Allah, we will end up more sympathetic, less judgmental, and replete with the wisdom only parenthood can achieve. One of my first parenting lessons came a few days after our first child was born. During my pregnancy, my husband and I had filled our home with all kinds of gadgets and equipment designed to care for infants.  We quickly realized, however, that almost everything a newborn really needs is not found in stores: loving arms to hold and rock him, mother’s milk to feed him, voices to soothe him, and endless patience and prayer. My own on-the-job experience made me wonder what valuable lessons other local Muslim moms and dads have learned over the years.  “I used to think that children were like dough; you could form the way you wanted. Now I know they’re born with their own personalities,” says Mayada Shmara, a mother of two in Orange. Riaz Surti, a father of two in Cerritos, says, “I’ve learned that when your children are young, they want your time and not your money, and when they get older, they want your money and not your time.” “It’s impossible to give all your children equal time,” says Leila El Baba, a mother of two in Brea. “At different ages and stages, one child will need more attention than another.” “The thing I realize now that I didn't before is the attachment between you and your kid,” says Mohammed Bentadghout, a father of one in Irvine. “This bonding lets you change a lot of daily habits and makes you think twice before you proceed in any activity.” Maria Ali, a mother of three in Irvine, says, “What I know now is the real value of the expression, ‘Don't sweat the small stuff.’ Twenty years on, it's not going to matter if the toys were picked up, the veggies always eaten and the socks matching. What will matter is your kids knowing that you love them, unconditionally, always and forever.” Hassan Khatib, a father of eight and grandfather of 12 in Huntington Beach, says he looks back on the years with a great deal of insight and wisdom. He says, “If I could go back in time, I would have been gentler with my children and I would have played with them more. Daily involvement with children is important for fathers as well as mothers.”  He adds, “And I wouldn’t have traveled as much for work.” The old African proverb claims that “It takes a village to raise a child.”  Perhaps if seasoned parents shared their wisdom and experience with each other more often, our children – and the world - would reap the benefits.

Last Updated ( Thursday, 29 April 2010 )